Wine Wednesday: Ten stages of getting wine drunk

So, you’ve bought a bottle of wine. Will you drink the entire thing? No, of course not. It’s just a cozy night in with some good friends, popcorn and Netflix. Or is it?

Drinking wine has its benefits. It tastes sweet and delicious while boasting elegance and grace. But when you drink too much, there are undeniable stages of this particular kind of drunk.

1. The “I Wasn’t Planning on Getting Drunk”

You take your first sip and you’re feeling classy like Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City.” That first sip leads to a second, and now you’re feeling like a real adult who is above those college keggers.

2. The Refill

Your friend sees your sad, empty glass and asks, “Want more wine?” The answer to this question is always yes. It tastes great, why wouldn’t you want seconds? Fill it to the rim!

3. The Warm, Fuzzy Sensation

Alcohol gives you that tingling, warm-all-over sensation that we all know and love. You’re starting to get cozy on the couch, perfectly content with what’s going on (on second thought, you’re not sure what’s going on).

4. The Complete Buzz

And just like that, you start to feel dizzy – but you’re in complete denial. Am I buzzed? No, not at all. The dizziness? Must be from gravity or something.

5. The Honesty Hour

Remember that secret you swore you would never tell? Forget about it. You hooked up with your ex last weekend? Now everybody else knows, too. Twenty minutes go by and you’re still explaining why you “don’t actually have feelings for him.”

6. The “Yeah, I’m Buzzed”

You can’t really come back after “The Honesty Hour.” Yes, you are buzzed. There is no denying that. You try to cover it up by saying, “Maybe I am starting to feel this, and I’m slightly tipsy.” Meanwhile, everyone is thinking, “Slightly?”

7. The Sleepy Baby

Your eyelids are drooping quicker by the minute and you use all of your power to stay awake. Maybe you should have gotten that extra shot of espresso earlier after all.

8. The Delayed Response

The struggle is real as you’re trying to stay awake and contribute to the conversation. You just missed the joke that has everyone giggling, and you try to cover it up by laughing along – ten seconds too late.

9. The Keep Drinking

What will help this snooze fest? Drinking more wine, of course. Drinking more of what made you tired in the first place. Makes perfect sense, right? Right!

10. The Hangover

Approximately an hour after the “Keep Drinking” stage, you’ll pass out, hopefully in a bed or on the couch. Waking up, you’ll feel like you’ve just been hit by a truck – or five. Pop some pain killers, drink some water and try to convince your roommates that you were not drunk (“I was just tipsy!”).