Let’s face it – college is hard. No matter what your major is, the amount of extracurriculars you’re involved in or how many credits you take, it isn’t an easy endeavor by any means.
Add a a long distance relationship to it all, and it may seem nearly impossible to be successful in both the relationship and the above categories.
Let me be the first to say that I am no love guru, and that I am not anti-long distance relationships by any means. I myself was in one my freshman year, so it would be quite hypocritical if I were to say that all of these relationships were doomed from the get-go. What I am against, however, is the unhealthy nature that many of these college long distance relationships possess.
It may seem unfair that I’m targeting long distance relationships, but that’s not my objective. Any relationship you have in your life, whether it be romantic or friendly, should be a healthy one.
However, the possibility of a long distance relationship becoming unhealthy compared to a standard relationship in college is huge. It’s putting a relationship between young, inexperienced people in a very unideal situation, and having it compete with all the pressures that college promises.
So, what do I exactly mean by what’s healthy and what’s unhealthy? Below I have listed some very unhealthy warning signs in a long distance relationship that I have learned from my experience.
Sure, texting and Skype are viable communication tools in making your long distance relationship work. But when you feel compelled to text them not only every day, but all day and vice versa, it’s a red flag.
In order for you and your partner to coexist and grow both separately and together, you need some form of space. You may feel that your physical space is enough, but emotional/mental space is equally important as well. So by communicating with them nearly 24/7, you’re denying both of you that luxury.
This includes spending most of your time on social media “stalking” their profile.
This is especially the case if your partner is back home and you’re at college. By going home every or every other weekend, you’re failing to connect with your college peers. Your first home is your comfort zone, the place where you spend time with your family and escape the pressures of college every once and a while. It shouldn’t be commonplace to do it every weekend, especially for your partner.
The same is if they visit you at college frequently. You’re not only annoying your roommates, but you’re also denying yourself the privilege of making new friends and experiencing new things at your new “home.”
“I Can’t Live Without Them”
If you find yourself honestly thinking or saying that to yourself, there is no question – you are not in a healthy mindset to have any sort of romantic relationship and vice versa.
A relationship, especially one that spans several miles, should be one of individual growth and independence. If you were in a truly healthy relationship, you’d find yourself thinking something along the lines of “I can live without this person, but I’d rather not,” instead.
Let’s make this crystal clear – you are in college. You should be experiencing new places, new people and new emotions. And you most certainly shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
One of the best things about college is the spontaneity of it all. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t get involved with extracurriculars while worrying that you will deprive your partner and won’t be able to talk to or see them as much. And similarly, you shouldn’t feel upset when your partner decides to join something for themselves as well.
With all that said, there are still many pros in being in a long distance relationship. Essentially, it’s all about how you and your partner treat it. But the bottom line of all this? Don’t deprive yourself of anything for someone else. Love college and all the hardships that come with it. These are some of the greatest years of your life, so kick anyone or anything that makes it feel less than that to the curb.
Most importantly, be the Beyoncé of your own life *insert hair flip emoji*
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