Ten Things Lifetime taught me about love

Why are you paying so much money for school? Everything you need to know you can learn from Lifetime. Lifetime movies are interesting, informative, and most importantly, true. They’re full of valuable life lessons that you can’t learn anywhere else. I personally watch Lifetime on a regular basis to make sure that my behavior is current with social norms.

One of the most important lessons Lifetime teaches is the lesson of love. Love is a tricky thing. How do you know if someone likes you? How can you make them like you back? Luckily, Lifetime is here to the rescue with thousands of informative lessons. Here are the ten best things they teach about love:

1. If you like a person, and you want them to like you back, just stalk them. They’ll eventually like you, too. This may take some time and dedication, and they may try to have you arrested, but don’t get disheartened. True love is a marathon- it takes endurance.

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2. A great way to make sure your high school boyfriend never leaves you is to get pregnant. He’s almost guaranteed to throw away his college athlete career and marry you. As a backup, though, make sure your friends get pregnant, too! Make them promise if you have to. That way you’ll never be alone.

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3. Affairs are always a good idea. ALWAYS. Especially if they’re married. They’ll leave their significant other for you. Of course they will. And trust me, the spouse will never try to kill you. That’s a ridiculous idea.

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4. Making things up to get what you want is okay. Getting your way is more important than that truth and sometimes who you are isn’t good enough to make someone like you. That’s when you have to create a separate personality tailored specifically to them. They can’t help but like you then!

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 5. Jail is a good place to start a relationship. Whether or not you’re in jail is irrelevant. It’s a great place to meet people, especially if they’re the ones in jail- they can’t leave! It’s pretty much an ideal situation.

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6. If your significant other doesn’t answer their phone, just keep calling until they pick up. It’s a way of showing how much you care. Don’t bother  to leave a message, just keep calling. They’ll know it’s you and feel special.

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7. On that note, don’t be afraid to show your affection (even if the person is technically “taken”). It’s all about making them feel special so they fall in love with you. We’re talking touching, hugging, kissing — go all out.

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8. You should know as much as you can about your significant other. Information is public —use that to your advantage. If you can get their social media passwords, even better!

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9. They’re not ignoring you, they’re just playing hard to get. The more they ignore you, the more they’re secretly hoping for you to try harder. It’s all a test for you to prove your affection. Restraining orders are just extra credit.

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10. Love is all about effort. You need to work for it. This means following your loved ones, knowing everything about them, and occasionally locking them in your basement until they understand your feelings. The important thing is not to give up.

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